Being in this moment - being content with everything as it is. This is literally the hardest thing to do in this modern world. My mind speeds ahead of me worried about whether anyone will come to the women’s circle. Worried about forgetting what I want to share in circle. Worried that I won’t make meaningful connections this time. Worried I won’t want to try again - and worried that I shouldn’t be worried. Fear.
Fear is the symptom and self-doubt is the disease. My shadow is worrying that I am not worthy of Love. And my protective self freezes up in response. A physical symptom of this process is a stagnation in my blood - pooling in my limbs - and sometimes causing pain, causing more fear. Worry that I won’t have enough time left to accomplish my purpose.
Overcoming all of this is a daily struggle. It is not a unique journey. Everyone is struggling to find and fulfill purpose. I use my tools - quiet reflection, mantras, art, and friendships. And then I am reminded: I want to add more meaningful connections to my life - and so I have to put myself “out there” in an uncomfortable space. I want to share the tools with anyone else who may be struggling in this human experience - and so I must TRUST in the divine plan. I want to progress my soul forward in my ultimate journey, and so I must do the work in silence.
Today I listened to day 21 of the A Course in Miracles Student Workbook. A free workbook available to anyone online at anytime - written in the most magical way as a modern mystical guide to enlightenment that blends the words of Jesus with Eastern Mysticism.
Today’s lesson is: “I am determined to see things differently” - at times I subconsciously change it to “I am desperate to see things differently.” In my impatience to rid myself of these shadows, I try to remember to sit quietly in this light. To be here now.
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