The Tower in Venus

Strength

This is what soul work really looks like. This is the kind of shit that it was created for!

Moving to Costa Rica last year was intended to be a reset on life. I came here to start retreats - but it isn’t aligning (yet). Instead, the Universe has been repeatedly asking me to dig deep and heal the Shadow parts of me. Any time I think I have made some progress - while I am celebrating on a beach somewhere in Guanacaste - I am reminded there is more work to be done.

My “perfect” life has always been a series of trial and error - especially in the Love Department (and it’s mostly error). But I practice what I preach, and I figure if you’re going try to be in love, you better get ready to do some forgiving. Frequently. Even when it isn’t asked for, and even when it only really matters to you.

Instead of deep diving into a sordid past that literally made my psychologist gasp in surprise - I will suffice to say, “we have come a long way…I have been through some harrowing trauma, but on the other side is a deep love connection that continues to need work.”

Those are literally the words I tell all of new friends. My old friends don’t speak to me anymore. They weren’t meant to help guide me through this work. And It has been a LOT of work to get to where we are now.

If I’m being honest, it isn’t just him. Our Love has always been tainted by a need to feel worthy - the one thing I am rarely able to allow myself to feel. Perhaps this is a common trait in Scorpios - or perhaps it is common in all women, but I know it originated in my childhood. As good as I tried to be, I was always told that I wouldn’t amount to much in life. So even after I started making decent strides in what some might consider to be success - I still allowed myself to be belittled by family and “friends.”

That was, until we left the country. Suddenly, far away from anyone’s opinion, I was able to be myself and be proud of my accomplishments. But let’s be real - it can be lonely 1,500 miles from everything you have ever known.

A marriage needs a village, a community, a support system. A family needs these things, too. Perhaps as a distraction from life when it feels a little too real - or perhaps as sounding boards when our thoughts run away from us.

Recently, I had to reach out to two of my really great friends. Because I was low - too much in my thoughts - too many unresolved arguments, and too much time to imagine the worst.

Both of my best girlfriends gave me what I needed. One lended a supportive ear, the other literally filled me up with Love & Light (she is a Reiki healer).

On the other side of my episode, I was calmer thanks to their love. And my eyes were open to my perception of the experience. Nothing was as it seemed - and ultimately what was needed was LOVE. Unconditional and unrelenting love. Obviously not the easiest thing to give when you’re in the middle of a developing argument.

But I’m listening now. I am doing what I can to forgive myself and forgive my husband for losing ourselves. We are human. We come to these spaces sometimes because we forget how important it is to love each other. But we can choose another way.

So now what? My shit is on its way to Costa Rica in a 20 foot container. Everything I love from my life in the States will be here next week. Just in time for New Beginnings.

Welcome to the Equinox - retrograde & eclipse season and all of the energy of the Fiery Aries transitions.

Are you feeling any of the affects of Venus/Mercury/Eclipse/Saturn/Neptune all fucking around in the sign of Aries (new beginnings)?

I told you this could get really messy.

All we literally can do is:

Allow • Surrender • Release

Todays meditation is about feeling your fucking feelings even when they are really painful. Let us begin.

Meditation for Feeling Your Feelings (Even When It’s Hard as Fuck)

Find a quiet space where you can sit comfortably. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in—deep enough to feel your ribs expand, your belly soften. Hold it for a moment. Then exhale slowly, releasing any tension you’re gripping onto.

Let’s be real: sometimes, feeling your emotions fucking sucks. It’s uncomfortable. It’s heavy. It’s messy. But here’s the thing—you can’t outrun them. You can’t numb them forever. And you sure as hell don’t need to be afraid of them.

So instead of resisting, I want you to lean in.

Breathe in again—deep and slow. As you exhale, drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw, and soften your belly. Imagine that with each breath, you are making space for whatever the hell is showing up right now.

Maybe it’s sadness. Maybe it’s frustration. Maybe it’s grief, or confusion, or some nameless ache in your chest. Whatever it is, let it be here. Stop fighting it. Stop shoving it down. Just notice it.

Breathe.

Now, instead of judging it or trying to push it away, I want you to speak to it. In your mind, say:

“I see you. I feel you. And I am strong enough to hold you.”

Because you are.

Emotions aren’t here to break you. They are here to move through you. So let them. Let the tears come if they need to. Let the anger simmer if it has to. Let the sadness wash over you like an ocean wave—knowing it will retreat just as surely as it arrived.

And as you breathe, remember this: You are not your feelings. You are the vast, powerful, resilient soul who holds them. They will not drown you. They will not destroy you. You were made to feel, to heal, to fucking rise.

Take three more deep breaths, in and out.

When you’re ready, gently open your eyes. Place a hand on your heart, and remind yourself: I am here. I am whole. And I can handle whatever comes my way.

Because you can. And you fucking will.

tbc